Overcoming "What will they think of me?"

The feelings of anxiety overwhelmed my entire body. I begin thinking about all that could go wrong. Self-judgements arose. Am I seasoned enough to voice my life experiences? Have I prepared myself fully for this moment? Is there another book that I could read, podcast I could listen to, or wisdom I could learn that could slowly ease the gut-wrenching knots in my stomach?

There comes a time in life when you must stop reading other people’s books and start writing your own. –Albert Einstein

Over the past couple years, I’ve gone out on a few uncertain limbs. I’ve spoken with others that I’ve barely known, found support within a group of like-minded souls, and divulged some of my deepest insecurities. I’ve shared secrets that not even my best friends may know. I’ve spoken about a deep emotional state I experienced at a recent Tony Robbins event. I’ve talked about my life. Full transparency, no holds barred. I decided I was going to embrace living as authentically as I knew I was capable of being, by fully embracing my own vulnerability.

Vulnerability: Uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure

Not to be confused with being a weak-souled, over-emotional being. Our society, however, has done a really great job (especially with men) of telling us that we’re not supposed to be vulnerable. We’ve been socially conditioned to believe that we shouldn’t lower our mask that may leave us emotionally exposed. I can still hear my inner-critic saying, “You’re a man, you’re not supposed to be vulnerable. Be strong, only the weak show emotion.”

Although very unsure, I decided to explore…

When I first stepped into my own vulnerability, I felt sick. My thoughts were mostly related to “How will others perceive my message?” While I had no control over the thoughts of others, I desperately wanted to perfect my craft. Even while sharing several deep issues, I subconsciously tried to find ways to justify my actions.

At the root of it, I wasn’t okay with my own imperfections.

I was afraid of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Ultimately, I didn’t want to remove my mask. I was scared to be vulnerable.

I needed a reframe. The current lens of reality into which I looked was no longer serving me. I couldn’t continue to hide behind my anxieties. What perspective could I choose that would better serve my existence?

After stumbling across Wealth Warrior by Steve Chandler, the following words screamed at me right off the page:

Be of service in every part of your life, and you won’t have a reason not to live a meaningful life.

Primarily, I had to be okay with the idea that I wouldn’t need to strive for perfection because I am enough. After staring at a Sharpie for what felt like a few days, I wrote these powerful words on my hand (inspired by Brene Brown):

“I am Imperfect & I am Enough.”

Eventually, as those words began to sink deeper into my consciousness, I could no longer hide behind such irrational fears of perfection.

I realized that if I offered value to others from a place of contribution, how could feelings of anxiety and uneasiness continue to show up? I noticed that these uneasy feelings were caused from the root of my intentions. The shift in perspective must be understood. We can’t truly serve from our ego, but rather from the core of our truths.

Once I began to understand that it was no longer about “what will they think of me”, but rather “How can I help, give, show up authentically, and serve?”, most of the uncomfortable feelings began to fall further away.

Personally, helping others has given me the opportunity to step into my own life’s purpose. When we’re able to share an experience in a way that helps others live a more meaningful life, we’re making a positive impact. We don’t worry about how we will be perceived or who might be judging us. Instead, we know that we’ll be inspired by the countless individuals that harmoniously lend their hearts to our soul-filled expression. When this happens, we begin to feel a deep sense of authentic connection. When we reframe our actions in such a way, our life becomes rich with love, sincerity, and a deep sense of purpose.

Action Steps: How to Raise Your Quality Of Life Through Serving Others

1. Focus on how you can help.

Where focus goes, energy flows. Ask yourself, “How can I help?” When we shift the focus off of ourselves and onto helping others, we’re able to show up with a deeper sense of certainty and presence.

2. Compare yourself to only yourself.

The only comparison that will lead you toward lasting fulfillment and happiness comes from within. This is what allows us to continually grow. Track your progress and look back to see how the “you” from six months ago compares to the “you” today.

3. Embody the practice of unconditional love.

Why unconditional love? When we love unconditionally, fear cannot exist. Shower everyone in your life with unconditional love. Before a speaking engagement or dinner party, close your eyes and visualize yourself literally filling each of the participants’ hearts with love.

ServeGrowLoveGiveBe

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So I ask you… How does it feel when you choose to no longer focus on “What will they think of me?” and instead choose to embrace, “How can I give/help/serve?”

One answer stems from your Ego, and the other from your highest Self. Which one will you choose to lean towards when you find yourself in a vulnerability crossroads?

And men, are you ready to step into the most authentic version of yourself? If so, I’d like to invite you to apply to The Middle Seat Experience: A three-month transformative online program that will give you the clarity and courage to rock your purpose, speak your truth, and be yourself without apology.

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josh

Josh Barad, founder and CUO (Chief Uncomfortablist Officer) at In The Middle Seat, empowers men and women to get over rejection, move through objection, and lead powerfully meaningful lives. Check out the truth-seekers who have chosen extraordinary living. You ready to live uncomfortably?

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