Enough BS is in full swing, and day 2 was crazy! The call ran to two hours and was overflowing with goodness. If you were there, thank you so much for your energy! It was awesome.
While day 1 was all about finding your purpose and figuring out your first steps, day 2 was about how to rock it all with authenticity and STOP kissing society’s ass. :o)
Wanna view these notes as a PDF? Click here.
Takeaway #1: Escape the validation trap
It’s normal to be inauthentic. We learn from a young age what will get us attention from our parents, and they drill us down into their way of thinking. Eventually we start to fear that if we don’t act a certain way to please our parents, we won’t get their love. This spills over into other areas of our lives and we create different images of ourselves for different people, pretending to be who we think they want us to be.
The irony of all this is that we’re trying so hard to get love and validation, but the love we receive isn’t the real deal ’cause people aren’t seeing the *real* us.
While we think our parents and families want us to happy, they actually primarily want us to be *safe*. And of course they’re gonna be worried when we stray from the path they walked on, because they don’t know our purpose! They only know what *they* were taught. As Elena Brower said in our interview with her in WTF2013, parents only playa-hate on our dreams because it reminds them that they never chased their own. So if you find yourself getting pissed off and playa-hated on, don’t freak out. Separate the person from their behavior and love them anyway.
It might even be time to have a chat with your parents, or whoever’s doing the playa-hating, and let them know that you gotta do your thing. According to Mastin Kipp, your approval of yourself is more important than the approval you get from your parents. He also says, “The quality of your life is directly related to the amount of difficult but necessary conversations you’re willing to have.”
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Takeaway #2: We’ve all been hypnotized
Whether we like it or not, we’ve been undergoing a mass hypnosis. Alan Cohen describes this as “a cultural agreement that the way it is, is the way it is.” Since the unspoken agreements are everywhere (news, TV, movies, products), no one ever thinks to question them. Many of us simply accept them as the norm and let ourselves believe that money, status and beauty are where it’s at. But don’t be afraid to stand up and say, “This ain’t right.”
If you’ve figured out your values, you’ll know what works for you and what doesn’t. But of course, it can be tough to ignore the hype and focus on your own journey. Self-acceptance is a funny thing because a lot of us were raised in a generation where our parents gave us a propensity for self-admiration, but society says the opposite. It tells us we’re not good enough, so we feel insecure. We need to say that everything is already OK right now, and then work on going from OK to better in our own way.
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Takeaway #3: Authenticity = Self-Awareness + The *Courage* to Express It
Authenticity isn’t just about knowing who you are. It’s also about having the guts to say, “This is who I am.” To be authentic means to be an author, to write your story your way. To do this, we’ve gotta spend our time with people we feel safe being *real* with.
Connection is love. Validation is fear.
We all have an intrinsic need for full self-expression. Think about what’s preventing you from realizing this. If you’re not happy with how you’re living, what’s stopping you from changing it? What would you do if you knew no one would judge you? People think about us a lot less than we assume they do.
“What will they think of me must be put aside for bliss.”
-Joseph Campbell
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Peep This Too
Check out Revolutionary Act, the sister site to Experience Life magazine, founded by WTF interviewee Pilar Gerasimo. Bucking society’s trends to live an extraordinary life *is* pretty revolutionary!
HW + Action Steps!
Take some time to get clear on the following questions:
- If you had all the time and money in the world, what would you do?
- What one great thing would you dare to do if you knew you wouldn’t fail or be judged?
- If you could wave a magic wand and have *anything* you wished for, what would it be?
- If you designed your perfect lifestyle, what would it look like?
What were your biggest takeaways from day 2? Share your insights in the comments!
Don’t forget to use the hashtag #EnoughBS on Twitter if you wanna join the conversation.
You can still get involved
The live action might be over, but you can still grab the course and work through it at your own pace. Just click here for the info.
You can also join our private Inner Circle where we’re gonna continue these conversations weekly. Check it out!
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biggest day 2 take away: " What they will think must be put aside for bliss"
Love it!
My #1 takeaway was connection over validation… I thought this was an incredibly empowering mindset. I guess it applied to me less in a validation sense, but I definitely could relate to it in choosing love over fear. That there is power in simply allowing yourself to connect despite fear. Not having expectations, but simply valuing the power of connecting.
YES! Love it, Vicky!
That was my biggest takeaway too, Vicky. Recovering people-pleaser with her hand up over here! 🙂
It's pretty much always been about validation and acceptance for me, rather than deep connection and true belonging. That's what I seem to be on the hunt for these days, and if I'm honest, the quest can kinda make you a little judgemental. I seem to be a lot quicker to write people off as "not on my wavelength." I guess that's not always a bad thing, but I love what you said on last night's call (day 3) about following up on more opportunities and getting to know people without expectation. After all, so many of us put up these facades. Surely it's only when you get to know a person more deeply that you can see if there's any real connection there.
Whewwww! "Break the generational lineage"…this whole topic…wow….yes….could not agree more!
Ooooh…. Yeh… That was powerful stuff for sure Krystal!
:o)
Hehehe… AND – my mom was on the call. Seems she still loves me so i dodged a bullet w/ that one!!
I don't know about any of you but my palms sweat when I listen to these calls. It's so frustrating to hear things that you KNOW you've likely heard along the way and KNOW in your heart are true but have somehow forgotten or overlooked them. So thank you, Jacob, for the slap-in-the-face reminders. You can't postpone joy. Say it with me, everybody– YOU CAN'T POSTPONE JOY! I'm still on a high from yesterday's call– and my new mantra Is "HAPPINESS THEN SUCCESS." I feel like I should start making t-shirts. Who wants one? 🙂
Count me in, Sarah! 🙂
Haha – saying it with you, soul-sibling!! :o)
My greatest takeaway: Vulnerability = Courage!!
I used to think that being vulnerable was a weakness, but now I know that 'dropping the mask' is an act of bravery.
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Great call Jacob!
I came out a couple of years ago, after living in-authentically for more than 15 years. I was in a straight relationship of total unhappiness held together by the love of my daughter.
My biggest take away (and big relief) is that no matter what age we are at, its "OK" to go through identity changes! We are not alone! (Props to your Mum too, hehe :o)
Might not be a biggie to most people, but that one struck a major chord with me, because I felt like at my age, "everyone", particularly from where I am from, has their sh!t together. Happy families, corporate jobs and the house with the fancy car…
I now see how darn hypnotized I had become, yuck!
Cheers to #EnoughBS!!!
ps: Shedding that snake skin, and rocking my own path babee!