Colombia is my newest guru. đ
With some tough-love, it’s taught me how so many of us keep ourselves stuck in circles of frustration and spiritual constipation.
I arrived here in Medellin last monthâŠâŠâŠ and I was scared.
Straight up. Super scared.
Iâd walk outta my crib⊠Scan the streets⊠And be suspicious of any and every-body. These people were all up to something.
I didnât trust cab drivers… Didnât wanna explore the city⊠And barely left my house after dark.
Itâs kinda strange because in the last 5 years Iâve traveled to over 20 countries⊠Countless cities… And 99% of the time I feel super safe.
So why was I so damn tense⊠On edge⊠And living in a Groundhog Day of low-level panic attacks?
I chose to come to Medellin because this place looked dope. I knew I wanted to spend 2 months in South America with mi amor — dodging the cruel winter weather at home in the frozen Apple.
I knew a few peeps living here and they raved about the amazing culture… food… weather… and women. I was in!
But shortly after I booked my flight here, the freak-out began.
Not more than 2 decades ago, MedellĂn was known as the most violent city in the world. Although the city has now gone through a massive transformation, most of my friends and family only know of Medellin by Pablo Escobar and his controversial insanity of inhumanity.
So when I told them I was coming here, they looked at me cross-eyed.
I’d heard rumors about kidnappings, robberies, and some crazy drug that criminals blow in your face which completely eliminates your freewill.
No wonder I was petrified when I arrived.
Fast-forward to present day. Itâs been about 6 weeks since I got here. And today I went for a mid-day stroll to the grocery store.
I was relaxed, smiling at strangers, and feeling so damn grateful for this beautiful life. You might even say I love it here.
Nothing was different about the city⊠So why did I feel so differently?
Well, when I arrived I had a *BELIEF* that Medellin was dangerous. Hence, the fear.
But after being here for 6 weeks and experiencing the city, that belief changed. So I feel safe.
Same situation… but a different *belief*… And because of that, a completely new reality.
In life, we tend to walk around with beliefs that keep us stuck.
We think itâs dangerous to tell the truth.
We think only a select few can get paid to do meaningful work.
We think uncertainty should be avoided at all costs.
My new wise guru Colombia, has helped remind me that our experience of life is based on our beliefs about it.
When you change the way you see the world, the world you see changes.
Drop a comment below and let me know one of the beliefs that’s kept you stuck in the past!
Sending love,
Jacob.
PS: The best way to overcome a belief is to *challenge* it. You can do that through questioning it⊠taking action that disproves it… or spending time with people who have the beliefs you want!
PPS: I love this TEDx talk by Michael Neill which helps unpack this wisdom.
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Dopiness bro — I could feel the hesitation in your body when you first got here. And also, knew how perfect things were gonna be in just a few weeks.
Because that was *me* just a few weeks prior.
Which is ironic, because it’s exactly the space that you’ve held for me and the community oh-so-many times.
The belief that kept me stuck for a while is that there were different “levels” of people — based on external things such as money, biz success, lifestyle, looks, physical appearance etc.
I’ve been able to challenge this sh*t super hard lately and loving the truth (which is always kinder than the illusion in my head) that were all dealing with the same stuff. Still always good to remind myself of and grow through my own blinding beliefs. đ
Word up! You space-holdin-son-uv-a-gun! đ
Thx for all of your help here in the last 2 months!
Nice brotha! Glad to hear you’re liking it. Valuable lesson learned.
And now I can skip that phase and go straight to loving the place when I get there this fall đ
Ha! No doubt you will. đ I’ll have to give you a local food run-down.
I wrote this. You see what holds me back from life. wanting to be in love and be loved. See below:
why won’t he come back to me I wondered. doesn’t true love come back?
how can that not be true love when I bent back at all costs for his love. was I believing something that wasn’t there?
was I manipulated to feel that I was once unconditionally loved?
is unconditional even real?
I cannot be that hard to tolerate. I cannot be hurt again. I will forfeit love if I won’t be loved. seems like everyone I love (die hard crazy) has walked away from me. is it because they both are drug addicts?
Is it because I didn’t understand the caliber of their life?
do I not deserve to be loved and love someone mutually?
reach to God and you’ll be loved they say… I can’t lie… I love the flesh. Maybe not the sex… but to feel unwastingly wanted. did I feel that way?
no, that’s why I turned into the monster I was betrayed to be. but did I settle?
Yes. did I want him to settle for me if he can’t make me feel wanted or complete me?
would that be him settling or would that be him not in love?
jumping ship to ship scares me. can the next person be into me?
but what if I’m not into them?
am I settling again?
do I ever have the ability to be blissfully happy.
is it my black hole that won’t get fixed?
do I blame myself for someone not loving me because I barely love me?
I feel like the devil ate me up alive and spit me out to live in purgatory. I guess it’s better to be in purgatory then back in hell. I guess there could possibly be a brighter light… unless I put myself back in hell. Was that really what my relationship was with him?
Hell?
You’re a romantic philosopher. đ
I don’t see any harm in “wanting to be in love and be loved” — unless your making someone else’s love more important than your own.
Great analogy and story, Jacob. For me the belief that held me back was the one that said: If you are not always in control, you will be out of control. It was this black and white thing, mainly of course rooted in fear. Fear of opening up to something or someone new, fear that my “way” had to be the “best” and the one to be followed. It’s kind of funny cause I got a lot of that from my dad, who I adore… but who is also a total control freak. It felt terrible though! I started trying to identify this impulse as it hit me and slowly softened it up to the point where now I can easily allow someone else to take the lead and not feel so threatened. The belief now is more like: You can be in control and I can be in control, without us controlling each other. đ
Super relatable!
And… perhaps another belief to play with is that “control is really an illusion.”
And not only don’t we need it in many cases, but it’s actually a disservice.
This blog really resonated with me. When I was 16, I had an instance in Rome, Italy where I was mugged by three men and held me against a wall and they stole everything from me. They did not hurt me physically. I grew up there for most of my teenage years and my last year there I was waiting at a bus stop to go to my school for an event on Saturday. I was always cautious but never thought that something would happen mid day in a “good” area. The way it happened was, one guy came and talked to me about what I was going to do that day and I was very vague, walking closer to the bus post. Then a car with two guys pulled up and a girl was driving, the guys got out and they grabbed me by my forearms and pulled me down a small hill into a alley and took everything and then they left. I was very shocked and disturbed by the experience. Some how a few people turned it around that I was being “stupid” by being friendly and that I should never smile at a stranger. It bothered me that I was not considered the victim by a few people, and instead as someone that provoked someone to attack me by being friendly. I still have a deep love for Italy though.
Since then, until recently, I had a belief that I was always on the verge of getting attacked or my house was going to be robbed. I finally decided to just be happy and focus on more good and realized that it is rare for that to happen and if it does then oh well!
Thx for sharing, Alexa!
Sounds like one of those unforgettable moments in life which at first feels horrifying — but in the long run, can build your character and wisdom in ways unimaginable previously.
Sending love and appreciation that you feel safe to share here!
Brilliant post! I’m currently planning charity cycling through Central America which will be all based on giving back and relying on the beautiful support of people who we usually meet along the way. Off the grid and without any money being involved. Iveheard all the same things that you listed down about the safety.
According to media and frightened U.S. citizens in Panama it sounds that some parts in CA are bit more dangerous than Colombia where I just came from. Nevertheless its all about the beliefs. We tend to believe what is told and shown in media. We need to create/have our own experience. I personally think that media focuses too much on the negatives and this is one of the reasons in creating this vicious cycle. Drugs and quick money on top, the NEEDS that everyone have which are not making anyone happier.
Nuff said. Totally loved this post!!! Worth sharing milion-trillion-gazillion times!
Hey Elsa! Glad this spoke to you. Thx for sharing — and have an AMAZING trip!!!
J-Smooth, great call with the Tedx talk. Also, great advice about challenging your beliefs. I’ve also found that looking to past experiences where you challenged beliefs to be beneficial. I actually now keep a “Fear” journal. I’ll log instances ing life where fear presented itself and what I did about it – Sometimes the fear wins and other times I challenge it. Just a great way to remind myself that I can do it đ
Much love brother. With gratitude,
Justin
Niceee, dude!
Entering that cave and gratefully grabbing that treasure! đ
I’ve been there!
Went to Colombia last year with my girlfriend and almost every person we talked to before arrival couldn’t understand what we were thinking, including many Colombian immigrants living in the United States. We were warned to watch out.
All that build up makes arrival a pretty scary thing, thankfully we spoke Spanish and had some friends, but that didn’t make it much less tense.
After just a few days though, I started to realize how wrong people were as Colombians turned out to be some of the warmest, friendliest, most welcoming people I’d ever met in my life.
After traveling to 27 countries, Colombia remains one of my favorites and stands out as one of the places I could see myself living in.
I’m happy for you that you’re getting to experience life there. I hope you enjoy it and hope you take the time to get out of the city. If you’re looking for some great weekend trips close to Medellin and want to see small village life, I’d recommend Guatape (obvious but great), Entrerrios (I am friends with a farmer there who I could introduce you to), or Carmen de Viboral.
Good luck!
Ahhhhh, super cool, Scott. Thx for sharing — and yup — one of my favs as well!
The belief I currently am wrestling with is how to stay in a marriage I’m not satisfied with. I feel like I am fighting to love to the best of my ability and still getting hurt and going back thru the cycle. The decision I make affect more than me… I’m sure I have a belief that a divorce will *ruin* my four sons’ lives…
Hey Liberty! Thx for sharing!
Well, sending you love and honoring the strength it takes to be in the situation you are!
Yes, the decisions you make do affect more than you, but the biggest lessons your kids will learn come from the *example* that you set for them.
Children don’t do what you say… The do what you do!
And if getting a divorce will enable you to take better care of yourself and be in alignment with your values, that’s a lesson every child can use.
They may not understand now, but this is a long term vision.
My parents divorced when I was 5 years old, and that didn’t ruin my life — it showed me that when things aren’t working, find the courage to make tough changes — even if they suck at first.
It taught me that no matter how hard the situation is, happiness is still a choice. And that with enough patience and persistence and commitment, you can create amazing things in your life!
That being said, before running to get a divorce, I’d start by asking yourself this…
Are you currently being completely honest with your husband?
And if you were to tell the truth, would that bring your further apart of closer together?
Sending more love.
Loved this post, thanks for sharing Jacob đ One of the beliefs that is keeping me stuck right now is one you said in the post: Only a select few can get paid to do meaningful work… I’m going to try what you said about questioning it, taking action that disproves it and spending time with people who don’t think that. xoxo
BAM. Love that, Lena! Thx for sharing and keep me in the loop. đ
This is great, I love the Ted talk as well. Thanks Jacob đ
oh 4’sho!!! đ
Great post Jacob!
Challenging beliefs is actually a really efficient way to travel for less, try and book a flight one week after a bombing (right when the security is at its top… but everyone is stuck with the aftershock belief that this place is dangerous!!!).
One belief that kept me stuck for a long time was that I don’t need money to live an extraordinary life.
Ah – yes – i’ve had the one too.
And while it’s not “true” or “false”, we just wanna look at if its actually helping us!
Thx for sharing that!!!
How incredibly simple and wise Jacob. I didn’t go to Colombia because of the same reason, I believed it wasn’t safe for a girl travelling alone.
In the end I went to Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and Costa Rica. It’s the fake belief that they were safer. Were they? I don’t know, but have a feeling not much different than Colombia.
Lesson? Regret I didn’t see what I originally wanted, because the fear took over. Enjoy and learn Jacob.
Cool, Anna.
And I don’t blame you.
While the area in Medellin that we’re staying in has a low crime rate, we still take precautions like making sure we’re not alone in the streets at night.
Sounds like you had an amazing trip!
Perfect post that I can relate to.
I grew up in a small town with a mom who was, and still is, terrified of the world and everyone and everything in it. Surrounded by the belief it’s better not to challenge anything and to keep quiet through life so no one notices you I really struggle to trust anyone or take risks. I moved to London almost 5 yrs ago and I still have to remind myself often that the world isn’t out to get me. My mom marvelled at how ‘confident’ I am when she finally came to visit me. I’ve since travelled across different American states and had the time of my life staying with random strangers from all over the world, travelling on my own, making strange places my temporary home. And I’ve learned the world isn’t scary and yes there are some horrible people out there but mostly, people are just people and are happy to help you. So now I try tell my mom that she should travel and experience more than the tiny town she has confined herself to. And just because she believes the world is too big and dangerous, doesn’t mean it’s the truth. It’s just the truth for her right now.
Beautifully shared, Emma! Giving you a knuckle-bump for all that bad-ass courage your embodying. And a shout-out to yo’ momma too! đ
Yay for you, Emma! Living the life.
P.S. I’m so glad I intro’d you to Jacob. He’s wicked.
Great article, so true, need to apply all the time, change the way you look at things, and the things you look will change!
Yeeeeeeeeah, buddy. đ
Thanks Jacob! The TED talk was just what I needed as well as your blog! I always suffer with the thought/insecurity that everyone knows so much more than I do so in turn I am fearful of expressing my opinion….guess I’ll be looking at that differently! đ
Ahhhhh. I can relate to that too. Seems like you already know what to do. đ
This post resonates with me on many levels. Through the ebbs and flows of travel I have had many shifts in my beliefs about cultures, freedom, friendships, money, and travel itself. This is a great reminder for just how powerful our beliefs are. “The placebo effect is defined as the measurable, observable, or felt improvement in health or behaviour not attributable to a medication or invasive treatment that has been administered. It suggests that one can treat various ailments by using the mind to heal.”
Yeah, bro! Excited to watch your evolve!
Hey Jacob. Really well captured. My ex-hubs is Colombian, and I remember being so intimidated when we traveled there – especially on my own. As a pasty blonde, I stuck out like a sore thumb. But when I stopped being so fixated on how awkward I felt, I could see the experience for what it was worth: a mind-blown-open kinda thing. I’m learning how to skip the awkward, paralyzingly self-conscious step in lots of ways I’m pushing my comfort zone. And the result is always so much more awesome. I call it swapping self-consciousness for consciousness of the self. The latter dances so much more lightly with fear. They’ve even learned to salsa…High 5 coming at you from London, England.
Well said Jacob. We are all so limited by our fears and certain beliefs. One that I’m working on is that people experience and remember things in the same way. The reality setting in, is that we all see, feel, experience differently. Simple example: My wife gets cold easier than I do. I used to think “it’s not cold”, now I think; “It’s not cold, to me.” Small changes make big differences. Happy wife, happy life. đ
Hi Jacob,
Great post!
It amazing how our belief system can hold us back so much.
Sometimes you have to think like a small child and ask questions about everything.
You do have to challenge the beliefs because as you can find, there is absolutely nothing to back them up.