How to Wake Up Excited Everyday. Hint: You Need a Secret Vision!

Confession: I’ve got this soul-seducing secret vision. It’s sweet with a dash of spice. It’s sexy with a slap of spank.

Hear me out. Pretend you live a life where, on a daily basis, you did the dopest things you could dream of. Can you even imagine? What would that look like?

Imagine working with your biggest inspirations on *THE* subjects you’re most passionate about while making a huge impact on people’s lives.

I wonder what that would feel like. Would you smile more? Would you look directly into people’s eyes?

Think of the things you love most in life – the things that jolt joy into your emotional circuitry and light you up – the things you love SO much that you would pay to do them every day. Imagine if there was a way to GET paid to do them, every day. Ya think?

What would waking up feel like if your biggest problem was that there were too many exciting things you could choose to do? Of course, you’d get to choose exactly WHEN and WHERE you did WHAT.

But HOW?

How do you make your vision come true?

Up until now, most of us would portray these possibilities as highly improbable and ultimately unrealistic. But hold on to your high heels cowgirl, I’m about to tell you a story about the last three weeks of my life.

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are non-fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely non-coincidental.

On July 27th, 2012 at 4pm EST, I interviewed the best-selling inspirational author Alan Cohen. We engagingly chatted for 45 minutes, exploring everything from hallucinogenic drugs to the Hero’s Journey. We conversed on the challenges of being a young adult, and what opportunities the future may hold for us.

It went well, SO well, that during the chat (sobriety intact) Alan said:

“Working to fix problems that the world is currently facing will provide incredibly meaningful and financially fulfilling opportunities for Young Adults. I see Jacob as one of the leaders of that. I can hear it in his energy, I hear his verbiage, and I hear it in his vision.” -Alan Cohen

BOOM (shaka-laka-shaka-laka!).

Five days later, in between doing one-on-one coaching calls and building TeamSensophy, I kicked back for another chit-chat.

This time, it was with the founder of the 3,500 employee boutique hotel company, Joie de Vivre. The man’s name is Chip Conley, and we too conversed for 45 minutes. We immersed our imagination into intriguing ideas like emotional equations, and how we can have our emotions represent the best IN us, opposed to letting them get the best OF us. That was Wednesday.

Thursday, I chatted with a rockstar reverend named Michael Dowd whose book, Thank God for Evolution, was endorsed by six Nobel Prize winning scientists. This Jew (Jacob) reveres that reverend. We spoke about Why We Struggle as a culture (Michael’s take: because we have “stone-age instincts” and we live in a world of “space-age temptation.”) That interview lasted an hour and 20 minutes (20 minutes over our scheduled time). Get this: with 3 minutes left, I found out Michael used to be polyamorous.

YOU, GOTTA, BE, KIDDIN’ ME!

If I would have known that, we would have quickly skipped over the questions on pop culture and gone directly to the depths of non-monogamy discussions. We decided to schedule an additional interview for the following week on sexuality, relationships, and love. I was entranced, and before I knew it, that talk ALSO went 20 minutes over!

Friday. Friday was a double dose of dopeness.

First, I interviewed one of my favorite positive psychologists on the planet, Heidi Grant Halverson. She birthed a bangin’ book called Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals which sheds light on DECADES of *scientific* research for how to achieve our goals. (Yes, I just said “birthed a bangin'” and “scientific research” in the same sentence. Welcome to Sensophy.) We talked together for an hour about why “wishful thinking” and “giving it our best” isn’t enough, and specifically, what makes some people reach their goals and others fail. We explored a scientific understanding of which goals bring happiness, and why keeping your options open can be a [Larry David voice] pre-tty, pre-tty, pre-tty BAD idea.

POOF. I was living the dream but needed some sleep! So I took a nap, woke up,  and went for a run – it’s all part of my peak performance practice. I ran 20 miles that week, more than twice the amount I‘ve ever run before. My feet fucking hated me. But my mind was sweet loving me. I meditated over 12 times in those last 7 days. I had to be on my game. Besides, later that day I had another interview.

This time, I kicked it with my homey John Carey. For the old school Sensophists, you may recollect that the homey JC challenged me to go to a Jets game with Gary Vaynerchuk. He also works (as do I) for a conscious-capitalism company called en*theos, as the Wisdom Development Manager. I love this dude (in the most manly way possible (wait, did that sound gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)). We had a heart-centered head-heavy chat surrounding what it means to be an adult – and why the hell any young person would even want to become one.

I’m painting a picture here – are you starting to perceive the panaramic?

Beyond the interviews, I kicked it with other aspiring and thriving entrepreneurs, both virtually and physically. This may or may not have included getting a tad too toasty off a pitcher or 10 of sangria in the gardens of NYC.

Stumbling forward . . .

You still with me or did you do the Irish exit?

2 weeks ago was more of the same soul-squirting shenanigans. I chilled with people I love and interviewed more peeps I admire, including the man, the myth, and the (live your) legend, Scott Dinsmore. Scott helps people change the world by doing work they love. Cool concept. We congregated to kick it about how Young Adults can do work they love while creating relationships with people they dig and admire.

Oh. My bad. I didn’t tell you yet, did I? The interviews… Why? Yeah. Well…

I’m working with one of my biggest inspirations to produce a virtual conference on *THE* subjects I’m most passionate about because we think it’ll have a *HUGE* impact in Young Adults’ lives.

Fuck… to the yeah! 🙂

The conference is called A Roadmap for Young Adults and is being produced by Brian Johnson & en*theos. It’ll launch in early 2013 (dedicated daily blog coming soon!) and we’ll have a total of about 50 interviews! That means, many more weeks like these! 🙂

Brian’s been introducing me to world-class thinkers to interview on topics like knowledge of self, success, purpose, health, money & wealth, sexuality & love, quality of life, pop-culture, the future, and family & community – all within the context of the challenges Young Adults are facing today. If you’re 17-33 years old (or the parent, teacher, coach, or mentor of someone that age), you’re invited to join us. Our talks are paying extra attention to the feelings we have like powerlessness, anxiety, uncertainty, overwhelm, isolation, shame, insecurity, etc…

This week I’m interviewing the orgasm-inducing Nicole Daedone, and the creative genius Michael Bungay Stanier. Last week I exchanged emails with the yogi master Elena Brower, and the Working For Good founding conscious capitalist Jeff Klein. They’re all down to roll with us!!

I’m *beyond* excited (as in B.E.Y.O.N.D.D.D.D) for this conference to be in your hands, but I’m actually MORE excited about the *process* of creating it. That means, right here and right now. STOKED. Can you feel it? I mean, I’m trading emails and talking to world-class people daily, including Brain and the en*theos team. I remember my phone ringing 2 weeks ago and I looked down at the iPhone screen – it was a random call from Brian! I remember my emotional response like WHOA!!, WTF!!, how cool is this?!

Last week was a little different. Instead of researching and interviewing world-class peeps, I spent it working with the The Daily Love‘s founder, Mastin Kipp. Mastin led a class of 1,000 people called Actualizing Your Soul’s Goals (immersion week) and I was his Teacher’s Assistant.

I spent 20ish hours working with him behind the scenes, listening to the classes (+ private group coachings), while soaking up and absorbing the wisdom. Then I spent another 15 hours producing the blogs, mp3s, and course material for the class.

I don’t say all this to brag.

Okay, maybe a little, but more importantly, I say this because it’s thrilling.

–> I say it because, it inspires the fuck out of me.

–> I say it because, until recently I had no idea how my life would come to look like this.

–> I say it because, I used to sit in a cubicle counting that clock in the lower right corner.

–> I say it because, I’ve contemplated suicide several times in my life.

–> I say it because, most of my life I’ve been more afraid than you could imagine.

–> I say it because, life isn’t always this good, so I’m honoring it when it is.

–> I say it because Gandhi said it best: “My life is my message.” And my life is saying – no, no – my life is SHOWING you what’s possible with *your* life.

A year ago, after Sensophy was well established, I was so nervous about failing that I was having panic attacks daily. My legs would shake, mind race, eyes twitch, and my breathing was shallow. I obsessed. And obsessed. And obsessed. And obsessed. I was terrified I wasn’t good enough to make my life work this way. And I almost (as in they were ready for me to start working on Monday) took a cubicle job that would have made me a fortune and sucked the juice from my soul.

Here’s the deal: Although we were raised in a culture that glorifies individualism, exceptional things aren’t accomplished independently. We *NEED* people to go to for support, guidance, mentorship, and sanity-checking.

When I was freaking out, I leaned on a few people to help me get through my struggles: 2 shrinks, 1 mentor, and a small circle of close friends.

BTW: Guess who the mentor was. YUP! You guessed it: Brian. And without him personally coaching me, I’d be shackled in a server-room right now, busy installing Windows Server 2012. We need specific guidance. We need personal support. We need coaches and mentors. It’s not an option – it’s a *necessity* for navigating the inevitable rocky terrain of living a fulfilling life.

But this story isn’t just about me and the people in my circle – it’s about all of us. It’s about surrounding ourselves with people who are going to support us in creating our ideal life. (If you don’t know what your ideal life is, figure it out!) This is about us getting the right guidance. This is about you creating the conditions for your life so that success becomes inevitable.

One of the most powerful things you can do to make success inevitable is to surround yourself with the right people. People who inspire you. People who believe what you believe. People who care about the things you do and see the world through a similar set of lenses. People who make other peoples’ asses hurt.

“The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.” -Gloria Steinem

Are you pissed off yet?

It starts by taking ownership of your life. Stop being a victim. Stop blaming mom and dad. The world doesn’t dislike you. Okay, your boss is a dick – do something about it. Okay, you’ve got kids and it’s not easy – who said anything about easy?

Accept life as it is. Then you can be a creator and not just some passive powerless observer. Psychologists call this having an “internal locus of control.” They say that if we want to be consistently happy, we have to place our control within us, not in some other person or external circumstance.

If we’re not completely full of shit, we can admit we’re not doing *everything* we could to create our ideal life. And that if we don’t schedule a time to start, it’ll never happen.

I need to repeat that: If it doesn’t get scheduled, it doesn’t get done.

Let’s pause this poetry and make a distinction. Your life doesn’t need to look like mine. It can, but more importantly, it should look like an ideal version of YOUR life, based who you are and what you care about. Do you even know what you care about?

–> What would your ideal life be like?

–> What’s your definition of success?

–> What emotions would you feel if you were successful?

–> How can you start feeling those emotions now?

–> What’s your purpose?

–> How are you giving your gifts to the world?

You’re not going to live your ideal life by doing the same things you’ve always done and hanging with the same crowd you’ve always kicked it with. You’ve gotta surround yourself with people you respect, and people who can give you guidance. Is the truth starting to piss you off yet?! 🙂

This was one of the biggest insights I had when I first created Sensophy 2+ years ago. Jim Rohn said it best.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” -Jim Rohn

We become the company we keep. So find people in alignment with your values and beliefs. Look for the rebels at work and strike up a conversation with them about something other than the changing weather patterns. Do things that inspire you after work: yoga, meditation, Muay Thai, Crossfit, nutrition classes, whatever!

But most importantly, when you do these things, get out of your comfort zone and connect with people from your soul. Speak your truth, despite the fearful anticipation that people won’t give a validating fuck. Be you, be real, and be authentic, because if you’re not true to other people, you’re going to have a hard time creating a life that’s true to yourself. (That works in reverse too: we need to be true to ourselves to be true to others. And we start being true to ourselves by increasing our knowledge of self.)

If you want to run a marathon, stop hanging out with people who sit around drinking Coronas and eating Krispy Kremes. If you want to get smarter, hang out with people who intellectualize about things other than Gossip Girl and who Kim Kardashian is banging. If you admire someone, ask them if you can take them to lunch and pick their brain about how they created their life.

Be genuinely interested in inspiring people and communicate it authentically. Authenticity takes courage (Chip Conley says: authenticity = self-awareness + the courage to express it). Tell people WHY you’re interested and get real with them (& yourself) about what’s not working in your life. Commit to figuring out what you can do to make it work. What one thing would have *THE* biggest impact on your life if you did it every day for the next 30 days?

When you spend enough time around people you find successful, not only do you start to adapt their habits and beliefs, but your self-image starts to shift accordingly. Hold up. That’s worth a re-read. When you spend enough time with people you find successful, the image you have of yourself starts to shift. You start to view *their* views as reality. And their views (& habits) are what make them successful. The right group of people mixed with great habits makes success nearly inevitable.

All of a sudden, our mindset switches from “How could I possibly do that?” to “How could I possibly NOT do that?!”

It’s a long term vision, and I know that doing 3 interviews with world-class people isn’t going to change my life. But doing 3 interviews every week for 16 weeks may. Mix that with getting guidance and only hanging out with people I dig, and before long this lifestyle becomes my reality. 6 months ago I would have thought, “How could I possibly interview Chip Conley and Alan Cohen?” No way. Now I’m figuring out how to interview Deepak Chopra and Martin Seligman.

Moving beyond inspirational entertainment . . .
5 ways to take action now!

You read this far, fantastic. But if you don’t schedule to do something, nothing will get done.  This will all just be inspirational entertainment. So here’s your chance. Mark a date on your calendar, or even better, do this right now:

–> Find a rebel at work (or school) and ask them to lunch. Talk to them about your passion and confusion. Ask them to be your accountability partner for the next 30 days on the thing you said would have THE biggest impact.

–> Sign up for a class that’s always interested you. When you go to the class, talk to the instructor and see if they can suggest ways to meet other people who are also passionate about the subject. Is your Outlook calendar open yet? (If it doesn’t get scheduled, it doesn’t get done!!)

–> Go to Meetup.com and look for groups that are of particular interest. Join and commit to going to their next meeting. Engage with people from your core. Tell them things about yourself that you’re afraid to tell people you know.

–> Call your closest friends. Schedule a specific day of the week to meet with them, twice a month. Me and two good friends do this. We call it “guys night out.” Beer, wings, and football? No Sir. We get together to talk about our emotions, fears, and ambitions. It’s one of my most powerful practices.

–> Get a mentor or a life coach. This one is HUGE. I work with people all the time, and it’s incredible how a few sessions can give them the clarity and structure to attain the unthinkable in their lives. Seriously, invest in yourself and find someone to work with – even if it’s not me.

And if all this stuff rings true for you, and you’re inspired to come into my circle and work one-on-one with me, I do have a coaching program. Send an email to [email protected] telling me why you wanna work together. Based on that, we may be able to set up a complimentary “get to know you” session.

NO. WAIT. STOP before you start. That’s not what I’m interested in hearing. I don’t care about your superficialities and elevator small talk. If that’s where you’re going with this, pull out your iPhone and play with that.

I wanna know about YOU. About your dreams. Your feelings. The things that make you smirk when no one’s looking. Your fears, frustrations, ambitions, and aspirations.

Okay. Go: [email protected]