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I find myself very motivated when reading articles in sensophy and other similar sites like highexistence.com, but even after a short period of time of self love, and transforming my inner critic, I return to my old habits of negative thinking and despising myself for every mistake I make. My question here is how can you implement these actions so you don’t fall back to how you were (i.e. negative thoughts)?
Great question, Anwe. I wonder if maybe you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to completely change your thoughts from negative to positive? If that’s the case, I invite you to try baby steps instead. Can you tweak your thoughts slightly to make you feel better instead?
“You have to kick ass… In order to have a kick ass life.” As truthful and blunt I can be in others lives, how is it that my inner critic is working overtime in my own world. I unfortunately always struggle with seeing me succeed both small and big areas of my life. How do I create an awareness to work through this inner critic who always seems to take strength at the worst times.nEssentially I want to learn how to kick my inner critics ass!
Ahhh, CB, such a loaded question. I have to say it- It’s in the book! If I could give you a quick tip- try asking your inner-critic what its trying to protect you from rather than kicking its ass. And go from there.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us Jacob and Andrea. The topic of self-criticism and self-love hit really close to home because it’s something I struggle with on a daily basis. Several memories come to mind when you talk about surrounding oneself with people who make you feel good, and it’s hard to say, but the people who are close to me don’t tend to give me motivation and inspiration. It doesn’t help that I am at times indecisive about who I even really am. Anyone who does anything creative is always gonna want to change. Do you have any advice for someone who wants to be authentic and find their own voice, when s/he her/himself isn’t quite confident in it?
Hi Eileen, nMy advice is to keep trying. Keep putting yourself out there. It’s about taking action. One of my favorite quotes is from John Wayne, “Courage is about being scared to death, and saddling up anyway”. It will be hard, I won’t lie. But you gain confidence by staring fear in the face (I think that’s a quote too, hahah). You figure out your authentic voice by trying and experimenting AND listening to your intuition.
Eleanor Roosevelt. “You gain strength, courage, and confidence anytime you stop and look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”nMy all time fave inspirational quote!
Thank you for sharing that quote! I will keep that with me to remind me when I do find myself at a standoff with fear.
You know the old saying “Fake it til you make it”? Well, I don’t believe that’s a good way to live your life in general, but at times, it’s what you need to do to get brave and take that first step! This quote is my favorite and I actually got a tattoo that says “confidence” because I needed it so badly. When people ask me about it, I say “I needed it, so I got it” meaning needing the attribute so getting the ink. It was my “fake it to make it”.
Thank you for your response and inspiring quote. I actually spent time to figure out what I valued the most, and somehow came upon the idea that I really want to change the world.. at least in my own little way. We’ll see how far I can get, because I am definitely trying to build courage right now. Let’s hope I will win over my fears this time.
YOU GO GIRL!
It is a true and sometimes you need a push and this will help you everyday
LOVED listening to the two of you AGAIN! The dialogue and energy between the two of you is like a stiff shot of Jack Daniels. nnWhen Andrea spoke about self-love, forgiving ourselves, and loving ourselves through the hard times, I got goosebumps and a little lump in my throat. I admittedly began rubbing my shoulder, and repeating empowering affirmations in my head, and my heart responded positively to it – thanks for that Andrea! I’ve often said to my friends “treat yourself as you would your best friend”, and yet I struggle to take my own advice. The biggest thing I took from your advice was to give myself permission – permission to love myself, to have BIG dreams and take BIG action, to trust my intuition, and to do cool shit (shit that lights you up).nnMuch love! <3
Love that, Reno! It IS the hardest (at least for me) to love myself during the hard times, or times when I’ve made a mistake. But, that’s when the REAL growth happens!
I myself was born “too much”. I say that old advice of “Just be yourself” doesn’t apply to me. I feel like being myself is never a good idea, but this discussion is opening my eyes to that being false.
Jill- it took me 30+ years to realize that 🙂
Yeah. I’m 35. 😉
Sorry for the tangent question … but what is the wall art behind you Jacob?
I am ordering 52 Ways to Live a Kick Ass Life as soon as I complete this feedback. I found the interview very interesting and helpful. The aspect of Andrea’s comments regarding the inner critic speaking more loudly at times of potential great change and growth was a key point tor me. I have read and worked on myself for many years, and still I must remind myself that I am enough…more than enough…at times when my inner critic starts speaking. nI am fascinated to learn what chapter 45 is about…I am thinking it may be something I need to know. I have worked with a local life coach for the past year, but we have never discussed anything related to this topic. For me, working with a life coach tied up the loose ends of my personal exploration andnspiritual development journey. I see Andrea’s book as another tool in this process. I can’t wait to read and learn from it.nHow wonderful that people of your ages have such a wise understanding of life and living. I have learned over the many years that there are two things to never stop doing. One is never stop being open to learning and the other is always be open to change and growth. I think this book and your presentation have given me a gift in both areas. Thank you both for the presentation and information. Best wishes to each of you.nTrell
Trell- thank you for your lovely comment! “Create A Tribe of Badasses” came from my own wanting to create a group of like-minded and like-spirited people. In my own healing, I discovered I came alive and grew the most when I was around people that exemplified positivity, humility, and gratitude. As I worked on myself, I worked on attracting the right people.
Andrea,nThank you for responding to my post.n I just finished reading your book. As promised I ordered it for my Kindle. I just loved its simplistic truth and readability. I actually read it in one sitting, however, I know I will revisit it again and again. I believe I left you a five star rating and positive comments. I say I believe, because I am new to Kindle operation and am not exactly sure how to post the comment.n Your courage in sharing your story touched me deeply. Such self-exposure certainly will help others who are in a place of confusion, pain, or struggle. It is so odd how we think of others as “having it all”…as when I saw and heard you on the video, I imagined you were one of those people. It just goes to show we all have our personal demons and struggles. I think learning this helps us develop compassion, and as you said…gratitude for all in our lives. Much success to you..nTrell
Thank you so, so much, Trell. Your comment and feedback mean the world to me. Much love to you!
“Buy yourself some time” REALLY spoke to me! I have gotten away from being a people pleaser but still have a hard time now and then. I always feel obligated to give a yes or no right away but I never thought about buying the time. Often times I say yes and regret it later only to make an excuse not to show up, then the next time I’ll say no but end up regretting that as well. This will be HUGE for me!! Thank you! Ordering the book for myself and a friend!
Ang- thank you so much! Sometimes it’s still hard for me too 🙂
Aaah, the inner critic… Is there really a way to get rid of that one? I just can’t stop being hard on myself…. I would never treat anyone I like in the manner I do myself. Even though it’s mostly small stuff, I rarely give myself a break. But I’m learning, and I found out it’s so much easier with a huge dose of optimism. Thanks for sharing that.
Sunita- Nope, actually we all have an inner-critic to some degree, just eventually it loses power over us. Do the work!
Great interview Jacob & Andrea! My favorite from the list is #29 Quit Bitching and Moaning.nnnHelps us all realize that it’s our own prerogative to go from “MA! Where’s the meatloaf!?! F**K!” to “Screw meatloaf…what’s best for ME.” 🙂
Chazz! nComplaining gets us nowhere fast 🙂
THANK YOU, Andrea & Jacob! I loved this interview! My favorite take-away was when you discussed that any excuse you tell yourself is really just your inner critic speaking up – this resonated with me so much. Also that the conversations you have with yourself should make you feel good. They should go something like… “I’m kind of a big deal” nCant wait to explore more of this in your book! nnkaterobinson21 [at] hotmail.com
Kate- LOVE your comment! All of it! And “I’m kind of a big deal” is engraved on the back of my iPad, so clearly, I love that too!
Great interview to listen to! Even though the concepts aren’t new to me, I like the reminders and the no-nonsense interview and manner in which I was reminded. Really great to be affirmed about things I’m already doing, too! Thanks!
I also like the differentiation between self-love and self-care, too. Thanks!
I appreciated her
I appreciated her idea of letting things go; not apologizing. Being fully yourself and not waste time trying to apologize for who you are or what you want. Because at the end of the day, “Hey. They laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was gonna go to the moon. Now he’s up there, laughing at them.” Just do you! You have the last laugh.
Hey Brenda- I love your “just do you”! Very true– it’s exhausting to try to please them all!
I just like to smile, smilings my favorite…especially at strangers! Since I started riding the train I’ve noticed that people generally don’t like to to smile on their commute. I have an inner conflict going on between this radical desire to lazer off grins or honor the pissed off faces I see….so in comes # 31- I will start to honor my soul’s uniqueness: screw people pleasing, tomorrow SMILES for everyone on the train!! ;^) Thank you Andrea and Jacob for this awesome interview! I had a ton of take aways, it was hard to just pick one!!!
April! You could also pass out syrup…that would evoke smiles! nThanks for your comment 🙂
LOL I love it!! ;^)
I’ve tried doing that before, but failed to make eye contact. Plus, I’m super shy to begin with. If someone is genuinely smiling at me, I’d actually be really happy to reciprocate. Good luck!!
Eileen I have tried a similar thing in public. When weird creepy men stare at me from across the street or a cafe. I have began to hold their gaze, smile and say “Hello, how are you? Have a nice day!” and they get all confused and awkward. Also for the really creepy ones who I know try to stare at my bottom when I walk past them , I turn around and catch them in the act and wave. ahahha its priceless. I used to be paralyzed with fear to walk past a man in the street because I hated feeling like I was just an object to be viewed. But now I guess my actions show I am a person, not just a body trundling past. slightly different situation to what the video above is about, but its certainly better to make something that depressed me, now flipped to something funny.
Hey, Jacob and Andrea, nnThank you for this avalanche of wisdom! Andrea, I just love your energy. I have to tell you that I have heard your interview on Kinda Wanna conference, and I have decided to apply the exercise with coaching ” self-critical voice” or alter ego, with myself and with my clients. Results were AMAZING! I love that, and the question that you have suggested “What are you trying to protect me/my client from?” is sooooooooo powerful, it usually comes up to some out-of-date beliefs and fears. OMG I LOVE that exercise.nnMy biggest takeaway from this interview was that honoring your values is the act of self love. Also that the self love is not the self care. We all know that we should love ourselves and practice self love, but when it comes to some actions towards it, we are all confused. I think that value honoring and stop pleasing everyone are great first steps,along with critical voices. Oh, I could just simply count everything you have said. nnI wish you great success with your book, I am sure it will help many (future) ass-kickers, including me!nnXXX
Thanks, Micka! So happy to hear you enjoy the inner-critic exercise and it’s helping with you and your clients! Muah!
I’m definitely struggling with stopping my ‘people pleaser’ attitude, but what I’m struggling with most is what I do now that I’m not focused on doing what everyone else expects of me. Sometimes it seems easier to do what other people want instead of be truly responsible for my own life. What if I mess it up? I’m really looking forward to checking out Andrea’s book to see how these 52 things could help me build confidence and kick out some gremlins.
Hi Ketik! Not an uncommon struggle you’re having. My best advice is to read chapter 4 and do the exercises to find your unique personal values and go from there. That will help you hammer out what’s important to YOU!
Inner creepy voice: “Don’t add any comment, you’ll never be able to write anything particularly interesting…”. My answer: “Who cares? I’m commenting anyway!” And… surprise! No reply. Inner silence. They don’t do inner creepy voices like they did in ye olde days… Thanks Andrea and Jacob, liked it! 🙂
Hi Daniel, nI love that you challenged your inner-critic…that’s doing the work!
I can relate daniel. Great article.
Jacob & Andrea,nnI absolutely LOVE this post! I can’t even express how much everything you talked about touched me…nnSo much of what you talked about hit really deep and had me nodding to myself…& saying “Are they talking directly to me?” And “Oh, hell yeah!”nThe two things I really loved & that stood out to me was: about the inner critic & carrying self – love with us through all of our life experiences. I hadn’t thought to actually have a conversation (a compassionate conversation) with my inner critic…& talking with it as though it were a close friend. Asking it “Why are you saying these things? Where are you coming from? What are you trying to protect me from?”…nAnd what Andrea said about having unconditional self-love (emphasis on the “unconditional”)…accepting yourself for all the good AND all the trip-ups you’ve done. It’s so true about how it’s so much easier for us to forgive & accept others for the missteps they’ve had or done but when it comes to ourselves we tend to hold on to them…& our inner critic often tends to try using them as ammunition. I love how she compared it to relationships – we don’t usually only love our significant other (or friends) just when things are going really good or great, we carry that love through everything (sometimes even through them doing some really horrible or hurtful things). So why should our love for ourselves be limited to “only when”?nnThank you both SO much for this conversation! This is definitely a “must read” book for me…nn♥
So many things I love in this list, Especially #THIS! –> #52: Know THIS is EXACTLY where you are supposed to be!
I’m a little late to the party but I finally watched this today and wanted to comment 🙂 The part of the interview that resonated with me the most was when Andrea was talking about always having to be right and have the last word. I do that ALL the time, to the point where people have called me out on it. My new mantra is going to be “let it go”. Even if I feel like I’m taking crazy pills because the other person can’t see that I’m clearly right, I need to remind myself that my relationship with the person is more important than winning the argument. Thank you Andrea and Jacob!
love this interview idea. nicely done! Also some very usefull tips.